Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
