First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
