batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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