I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
