The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
