I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
