I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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