ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
