in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
