Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
