apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
