He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
