I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
