The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
