Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
