Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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