It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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