This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
