So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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