i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
