I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
