fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
