There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
