It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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