Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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