she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
