Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
