I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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