I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
