We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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