With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
