I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
