My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize