So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This is not my ceiling
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
