Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
