end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize