You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She even gives head with a lisp.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
