he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize