She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Semen is not good for contacts.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
