how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
