Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
