I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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