apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
