Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
