hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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