so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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