I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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