There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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