I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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