don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
