I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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