I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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