cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
