it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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