Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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