spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
