I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can you bring me the toilet please
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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