she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
