just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
