Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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