Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize