I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
