'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
