I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
