Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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