told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
