definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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