1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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