The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
