Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
