I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
should my penis look like a turkey
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
