I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
