Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
