i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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