can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
honey bunches of taint.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
