Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
