I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
