hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
