tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
