I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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