That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
