I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
