i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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