you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
