We're like a lot better than the average bears
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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