New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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