see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize