The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
