Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
