Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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