The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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