Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
