Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
