im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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