he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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