you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
