Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
