a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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